endearment

I met up with a new friend last night we spent over 3 hours in the evil, yet delicious, Starbucks Empire. Our conversation ranged from PhD’s and childhood stories to Broadway and theology. We talked about people too, the study of human interaction and the desire to understand more fully this thing called the human race (although it seems more like a marathon to me).

Though we had a great time, as I left and even this morning, I was filled with self-doubt. Can I just say I hate that? A kazillion thoughts like “he said he enjoyed the conversation, but he was just being nice …” – “like anyone would really enjoy your company…”- “You usually have friends in big groups because people don’t want to deal with you one-on-one”. Needless to say, I felt pretty beaten down. To my credit, I realize these are not productive thoughts and they are placed at just the right part of my heart and brain with the intent to affect me negatively.

But I digress …

As I was jogging along Plymouth tonight I was thinking again about people. I have been so amazed with the people in my life. Now, we all know those REALLY annoying people, right? Right – we do. It could be anything – they are abrasive, obnoxious, have to be the center of attention, over-achievers, trying to hard to be funny, people pleasers, aloof, or the ones that won’t stop smiling … the list could go on forever. I have been in situations in the recent past where I was around people that annoyed me a great deal, well that is, until I knew them.

Then I found out their story. Where they came from. What they have overcome. The pain they have endured. All of the sudden my view is shifted. Instead of being annoyed by them, I began admire who they are. I am humbled instantly as I realize my former calculations were SO off. I realize that their annoying qualities are actually the flags they are carrying into the battlefield of their life. It is their compensation, or counter-compensation of their past experience. Instead of it being their weakness (as I thought), it is really a show of their strength. It is their attempt to be something other than what they have been told or experienced.

Now when I see these qualities in their lives I begin to smile, to laugh, and eventually to cherish the idiosyncrasies that once drove me up a wall.

I can’t help but think of God’s love for us. Jesus said to love as He loved. He could have used different words: listen, be, understand, embrace, have grace. Instead He said love, which incorporates it all. I am astounded more and more at the tenderness of God in my life. It is helping me to gain a better perspective on the seemingly simple command to “love”.

And then I think about the flags I carry and the wounds I am compensating for and I hope my lovely companions in this life will see through my annoying habits and will get to my heart … but if not, it is okay we are not friends.

It is my attempt.