life, death and pursuit

I wonder if life would not be better lived, if the goal was death.

I feel like many times this life is under-rated and the afterlife is overrated. What if this were it? What if our purposes were set in this life on this planet? Would I live differently? I feel as though I have a misunderstanding – to a fault I feel like there is always more time, as if eternal time/life is already in progress for me. I do not count now as precious as I should. I do not live each day as if it were my last chance to create an impact. I always think there is tomorrow, or the afterlife, or some reason why I am special enough to escape death, to go on living (as I live now) for forever.

My sister’s father-in-law died a little over a week ago – he was here, and then he was not. In a moment, his time ended. Whatever impact he was going to make, he made until the 30th of last month [...or did he? Will his life, memory, and work continue even without him being physically present? Doesn’t he continue to live in his wife and sons and grandchildren? Is he not living through this blog?]

His death makes me wonder how I really should live. I want to make an impact, I want to live for some big cause, I want to pursue my ambitious goals and live a full life.

Then I contemplate that probably the only people who are going to miss Bruce everyday for the rest of their lives is his family. That’s it... only the people with whom he had a love relationship. His family will love and miss him regardless of any success or failure he encountered.

If love is essentially a one-on-one deal, and ambitious goals are primarily sterile, can I give up love for those goals, no matter how essentially good they may be?
But will goals miss me when I’m gone?
Do they care about my wellbeing?
Do they simply drain me from what I could give to someone who would appreciate my time and life?

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Can my goal be simple?
Will a simple goal, something like “love everyone in my life and live each day like it were my last” be a simple life?
Or would it be more full and exciting than I could imagine?

I guess this ramble ends here: what makes a life worth living?