influence

I wonder frequently how I can be most influential in my everyday life and also professionally. I wonder which type of job would allow me the most leverage into others’ lives. It is not that I want to manipulate people – no no, the farthest thing from it. But I do want to impact people and leave with them the sweet aroma of my Jesus to linger in their lives forever.

I question whether or not getting my phd will help me very much in the long run. Could I not spend my time some other way that would be more beneficial and less taxing? For me, the world of phd is not only intimidating, but also feels confining. That is 4-5 years that I could be doing ANYTHING else. I feel like if I go for it, I should have a better reason it just seeming like the logical next step. But – yet – it is logical and I do enjoy teaching and learning … and I could learn stuff that I could use for God … but … but … but … I don’t know.

One exciting thing I was thinking about the other day is this – if I were to even teach at the smallest of campus settings, I could interact with 125 students per semester – 300 students per academic year (not including any type of lecture classes that would range from 50-200 students per class). That is pretty significant and not anything to turn my nose up at.

old thoughts again

One of my greatest fears: Waking up one morning and realizing that my life is gone, that I’m old and that I have not done what I intended.

When I am ultra-busy September-April I do not get the chance/make the time to read that types of books that I want to read. I find myself swamped with “other” reading, whether that is freshman papers or articles about analysis and the transfer of information. Only in the few short months of summer do I make runs to the library and read whatever I feel like reading. It is wonderful and puts my mind as ease - I’m finally able to explore the thoughts that I usually do not make time to think about.

And that’s my point. All of the sudden many months are gone, then years. If I’m not careful I’ll be exactly where I am tonight. I know it sounds drastic, but it is true. Do I expect life to turn out like I plan? Not a chance! But if I don’t plan, if I don’t have a goal, if I don’t see beyond where I am at right now I won’t get there or anywhere close.

Tonight I was reading Woman in Front of the Sun: On Becoming a Writer and although I have already read parts of this, I re-read My Rosetta. In this account Cofer references an old fable about a boy who wants to know the secret to building muscle – the old man who is going to teach him makes him do manual labor before he will reveal the secret. Once the boy is fed up he confronts the old man, only then does the old man shows him his reflection and the boy sees that what he has been doing gave him the result that he was after, even though he was doing it unconsciously.

All of this makes me think about life and the choices involved in it. Today is the day we live. This is our life. Right now. How I live and the choices I make, even though they seem either too small to matter or too large to obtain, can drastically alter the course of a life.

So, go for it.

I know I don’t want to die wishing I could live my life over again.